Redemption

I am a twig that fell from a tree
That a stream washed away into the sea
That sank without trace in the face of the bay
Far from the breeze and the light of the day

I am a twig washed out of the sea
Onto a beach indiscriminately
Rolled by the waves in the foam and the sand
No longer in water yet not quite on land

I am a twig that you found on a beach
You carried me home and gave me a niche
I still don't know what you saw in me
For I'm just a twig that fell from a tree

I Can Do Anything Animals Can

Apart from the squirrels, everyone
Must be careful when climbing the trees
I don't think I'll ever climb better than them
Because squirrels climb trees with ease

Apart from the bluebirds, everyone
Needs a plane to soar in the sky
If we had a plane and you flew it with me
We could fly with the bluebirds up high

Apart from giraffes, everyone
Needs a ladder to reach the top shelf
If you hold the ladder then I will climb
But I can't do it all by myself

Apart from brown bears, everyone
Needs friends and good company
I hope that you always have plenty of friends
And that you will be friends with me

Apart from the goldfish, everyone
Needs a purpose and something to do
My goldfish is happy to swim in his bowl
But I want to be with you

Apart from the ducks, everyone
Needs to learn how to swim
But if you would teach me I know I could be
A much better swimmer than him

Apart from the octopus, everyone
Relies upon their fellowman
Because no one can scratch the small of the back
The way that an octopus can

Apart from the polar bears, everyone
Needs a house to ward off the storm
But when we have our thick woolies on
Even we can feel toasty and warm

Apart from the elephants, everyone
Is too weak to lift up a load
But we can lift almost any-old-thing
And carry it off down the road

Apart from the horses, everyone
Struggles to carry a friend
But when I am tired, if you carry me
Then I'll carry you right to the end

Apart from the lions, everyone
Is frightened to let out a roar
But I'm never afraid when I'm with you
Because that is what friends are for

Apart from the animals, everyone
Needs help to do what they do
But I can do anything animals can
As long as I do it with you

Twelve Degrees High

Twelve degrees high in a pre-twilight sky
Due South - a crescent New Moon
Hung as some person may hang
A lamp to light up a room

Not a paper moon - not a disk
Except for the blazing edge of it
Hung high as if with the clouds in the sky
This Moon is a world softly lit

Twelve degrees high in a pre-twilight sky
The atmosphere stretched to the stars
And the universe hinted at secrets unseen
While songbirds migrated to Mars

Can't Kick the Habit

We no longer smoke
But I saw today
Tobacco sky at sunrise
Cars in the ashtray

Romance So True

I remember how I loved you, you were my everything
As if the sun rose on me and all other lights were dim
The hunger in my heart now knew who to hunger for
Oh it beat, it beat, as it never had beat before

Your tender hand in mine, walking side by side
Our love so good, so fine, it cannot be denied
I will ever treasure the love that I first knew
When my soul was smitten and I gave my heart to you

Consent

What you wish to do with me
May result in injury
I may not be disease free
And there may be a pregnancy

I'm aware that what we do
May also cause harm to you
That suffering will accrue
If our hearts be not true

But in spite off all of this
Won't you give me one more kiss
This may lead to hell or bliss
This is what consent is

Perceptions of Time & Mortality #7 - Altered States

Reality internally

First I feel then I see

Your hand reaching out to me

Normality

Almost uniformity

I see blue and you do too

What more do I need to say

My royalty undoubtedly

Known by all about me

That's why they are watching me

(I know that they are watching me)

Do you watch me too?

I'm not sure I can trust you

My sanity in privacy

The universe inside of me

My unique minority

Faces in the clouds

And voices in the breeze

Tell me that you hear them too

Tell me - tell me please

Big Car

Don't just wanna car, I wanna big car
Crew-cab, SUV - that's the kinda car for me
Rolls Royce, Bentley - don't ask about the mpg
Porsche, Ferrari - show's I got the money

Don't just wanna car, I wanna big car
Gonna drive around the town like I'm a big star
What's the politician gonna do?
He wanna drive a big car just like you
Why's the maker even gonna try?
When a big car's all you wanna buy
He wanna sell big cars to you
So he can drive a big car too

No-one wants a car that's not a big car
Electro-hybrid  bubble cars
Just aint cars for stars
And no one cares a bit because
They'll die before the planet does

If I'm gonna drive a car make it a big car
Global warming?
Fine by me
Just give me the key

Human Economics

Money is not life
Don't waste time scheming
To have it is not living
Leave me my dreaming

Drawing on the Wallpaper

God has painted a sunrise
Pastel blue, pink and gold
Translucent, ephemeral
Balm for my soul

The children have scribbled on it
With chalk from low to high
As impudent toy aircraft
Leave scratches on the sky

Entrancled

The troglodyte at midnight
Did not feel himself
And ran to check his tranclements
Displayed upon the shelf

Of all his little treasures
One could not be found
He searched upon the shelf
He searched upon the ground

He searched among the kraggle
Littered everywhere
His most beloved tranclement
Simply wasn't there

He drew a breath and searched
More methodically
But, knee-deep in kraggle
He simply couldn't see

Of course the cunning tranclement
Hiding on the ground
By the patient troglodyte
Eventually was found

There must be a moral
From this scene so true
If you are a troglodyte
I give advice to you

You may have a sleepless night
Tormented by a naggle
If you allow your tranclements
To be obscured by kraggle

Overcast

Memory feeding
Dark premonitions
The present for to poison
To the horizon

Trust

Let me not yearn
For the future - so slow to come
Let me not burn
For the past - that can't be undone
Let me but pause
And be warmed by the sun
Let me but pray
And remember the one
That yearns for the future
To lead me into it
And burns for the past
That he may undo it

Answering David's 39th

I do not answer the evil one
But I will answer you, my son
You spoke to me in your pain
Now listen to me as I explain

Your tongue did not sin
Your mouth remained clean
You are rich but you know
That riches are really nothing but show

You are a shadow upon the wall
The sun will rise and the sun will fall
And all you love will pass away
And you my son will go that way

I smile on you so that you will smile too
In all of your days that remain
So that you know that I wont forget you
And that you will live again

Generosity

To the East the Sun
A golden lamp of glory
Soon to appear over the hill
And briefly the blanket of cloud
That will smother its light all morning
Is lit from beneath
Salmon-pink and rose
Then gold

Perceptions of Time and Mortality #4 - Postpartum

I recall
The bottom of the sleeping bag
Soft dark warm confinement - then
Sudden airless panic
The echo of a tunnel of bone - and
Pressure in the head
Waiting for the first breath
Ending aquatic - automatically - then
Light, a bright chill and fright
Gasping, lungs to fill - and
Awful silence amid the chaos
The beat of the universe stilled

I recall
Shadows of a memory
Panic in the bedding - and
Dim recollections as if second hand
Of an earlier truma still

Ephemera

Rosy twilit dawn
Blue mountains pink mists
Mystic kingdom of the East
Swiftly overcome

The Hyperbolist

Behold the hyperbolist
Swinging with ease
From sublime to absurd
He has a disease

Like an ape in the forest
That leaps through the trees
You can't do what he does
Or see what he sees

Frequently exaggerating
Not a little bit frustrating
Compulsively overstating
Never underestimating

If you think that you may be
An hyperbolist like me
Don't be rendered melancholic
For my verse is hyperbolic

Perceptions of Time and Mortality #3 - The Eternal Moment

Senses one through five
And I am alive
Input to the program
Suddenly I am

Without the filter of thought
Neither a teacher nor taught
Without the angst of desire
And yet with a fear of the fire

What I may be and the life I have got
These are the things that I ponder not
Man watches me fly and watches me swim
And imagines the thrill if I were him

For my part I wonder at nothing at all
Though I will admit - I do like a ball
Instinctively wise I come and I go
Though I may do - I do not know

You may see yourself in me
If you really want to
Forgive me but I disagree
Because I am not like you

Little Miss Daydream

She walks upon the clouds
And is kissed by the sun
She has a job to do
It can't be shared with anyone

She passes midst us all
Her mind on other things
Only just three feet tall
The fairest skin and hair in rings

She comes and then she goes
Just as free as the breeze
Nobody else knows
Just what she hears and what she sees

You too could understand
What it is to be a little one
If you walked upon the clouds
And you were kissed by the sun

Final Harvest

The reaper is not grim
That conquers death and kills him
And having set his inmates free
Becomes their king eternally
Come with me and bow to him
For that reaper is not grim

If we must rest and wait for him
And vigil keep while we sleep
His love for us will not grow dim
Soon will come his time to reap
So do not fear but trust in him
For that reaper is not grim

When the faithful words of God
By means of him have all come true
And we stand before our Lord
When all things have been made new
We will be beloved to him
For that reaper is not grim

The Tiggore

In the Hundred Acre Wood
Nothing feels as it should
Kanga's not been seen for days
And the Sun has hid its rays
And everyone now hides in fear
Lest the Tiggore should appear

His head is bright and stripey
But his bum is grey and fat
His greeting brash and flighty
But his spring is rather flat
Sat in a gloomy puddle
He's sat there for a while
The Tiggore is a muddle
Soggy bum and manic smile

Christopher Robin got his gun
And consulted with Pooh Bear
They went and found a heffalump
They drove him right through there
Through the gloomy boggy dump
Where the Tiggore sat and moped
And suddenly they heard a bump
As they both had hoped

In the Hundred Acre Wood
Everyone feels as they should
Tigger bounces as before
And everybody hugs Eyore
And nobody now hides in fear
Lest the Tiggore should appear

If there's a Tiggore in your wood
Take my advice, you really should
Do not fear the stripey grump
Just send in a heffalump

Phil-officy

There is a policeman called Phil
Whose logic is always a thrill
When the ordin'ry mind
A solution can't find
You can bet Phil the officer will

Francophanie

Lunette frissons bouche nuits
Canard bisiklet
Escargot balance bonbon
Du sang fromage roulette
Fille volet amour chevalle
Poisson bon couleur
Chemise homme fenêtre chat
Femme oiseaux la mere

The Lancastrian Men's Debating Society

Whippets, horses beer and pubs
Pidgeons, ex wives, football clubs
The night my mate the engineer
Fixed the footie all for beer
In that pub, the satellite
Dish had moved, he put it right
And everyone could see the match
We poured free beer down the hatch
All night, a skinful our reward
From a grateful landlord

Pidgeons in their derry-cots
Outrage, lies and petty plots
Behind the curtain Kevin lying
Feeling like he's slowly dying
I cannot abandon him
To the club Lancastrian
Debating 'fresh or mushy peas'
In a dialect of 'e's

The staff were very kind
They said they didn't mind
And moved him from the great debate
Of trivia that lasts 'till late
For all I know they're at it still
But he's delivered from 't mill

I left him in the silent gloom
Of a little one-bed room
Sufficient are a body's pains
Apart from old Lancastrians

Verges

From my open window a meadow rolling past
Campion and foxglove, cowslip and grass
A skinny little meadow seen from the exit lane
I glance beneath the Armco before we move again
The traffic swiftly passes affording little time
But the sun lights up the faces of the flowers in the grime

In Kirby Bright - Right on the Dee

There's always a sea view at Kirby
Be the tide high - or be it low
And a view that's clear right to old Flintshire
Why would anyone not want to go?

When will you meet me there
In Kirby bright you'll have no care

The gulls are bold in old Kirby
Soaring so high - into the blue
Walk with me to Saint Hilderbree
And I will walk back with you

When will you greet me there
Where seagulls cry and dance on the air

Come with me to old Kirby
Where the sun sets deep - deep in the west
Between the lake and the sandy red rocks
I will love you the best

Will you tarry there with me
In Kirby bright beside the sea

We will be happy in Kirby
In Kirby bright - right on the Dee
If I were to ask you right early
Would you return there with me?

Will you marry there with me
In Kirby bright right on the Dee

The Old Man of Roddlesworth

I set myself to climb Great Hill.  Grey mist periodically gave birth to a drizzle, and then to rain, then to drizzle again.  I approached the stone walls at the peak and could not see a soul.  Not stone walls for sheep, not for restraint or constraint, but built no more than 20 feet long, in the middle of nowhere, where the hill meets the sky.  Four stone walls, joining each other at right angles so that, from space, they would have looked like an x.  An x at the top of Great Hill, looking for a box to fill.  And beneath the walls, running North-South and East-West as they did, stone benches for the weary, and shelter from the wind.

In their lea, someone other than me.  An old man in a long, tattered, waxed-cotton coat, with a storm cape at his shoulder, and a hat, and a staff, and a beard, and a keen look in his eye.  I sat on the bench where he sat, a respectful distance between us, and we faced together the North-East sky.  The clouds parted and a beam of wan sunshine fell across the hillside.  The old man straightened his head, held out his hand to the view, and said ...

'Rain falls upon the slopes of Great Hill then flows away rivers to fill as it has done since hills were young then came the Dane to give land his name but Calf Hey Brook flowed - it flows there still trickling down Great Hill.

Down to the road it trickled and flowed then rose near the holy well where the Saxon drank mead then it flowed North to feed the forest down in the dell past Hollinshead Hall mighty and tall for almost 500 years gone now all gone but the stream trickles on anointing the Well House with tears.

Four glassy pools like eyes to the skies that the rain should not be for nowt and the stream ventures on like an innocent child lost as it wanders about in the forested vale while over it sail thunder that flows East and West on five lanes of hell with hard shoulders as well but they tell me its all for the best.

Beyond the road it trickled and flowed but deep within the dark dirt to the hell of the mill that turns it to swill - there's nowt now to rhyme with 'culvert'.'

I listened and looked where he gestured, then the clouds closed their blinds and put out the sun and the drizzle fell once again.  I turned to the old man but he was already gone, his figure shrinking into the mist as the drizzle turned to rain.

Gargoyle the Pug

Gargoyle the Pug
Sat on a rug
With a truncated face
He's up for a chase
There on the rug
Sits Gargoyle the Pug

Stanley the Setter
Thinks he is better
Than Gargoyle the Pug
Sat on the rug

"My coat is sleeker
My manners meeker
Than Gargoyle the Pug
He looks like a thug"

You have your views
But I get to choose
And I am deciding
That I will be siding
With Gargoyle the Pug
He needs a hug

So if you're a Setter
A glossy go-getter
Don't diss the Pug
Sat on the rug

Social Hypocondria

You don't seem too well to me
I think I'd better let you be
You sneezed half an hour ago
I think you'd better go

You can't grasp what I explain
Must be an illness of the brain
A victim of insanity
Keep yourself away from me

Please don't think I'm being mean
But you belong in quarantine
Like many of the folk I've met
You're ill, it seems the safest bet

Please don't think I'm being rude
I did not choose my solitude
It's ironic that my health
Means I must live all by myself

Approaching Bedtime

I was born at 6am
With a whole bright day ahead
I know that when the evening comes
You will find me dead

The hour hand has climbed to 12
Now its after noon
It gathers speed on its way down
It will be 6 again quite soon

Will I last 'till 7 or 8
Or maybe 9 or 10
All I know is - What goes up
Is faster coming down again

So here I am at 3pm
And I wonder what's in store
Once the mainspring has gone slack
Who will wind the clock once more?

Truism #5

To name an object after a woman
Does not serve to feminise the object
But rather, objectifies the woman

Sunset

A salmon pink glow in the setting West of the sky and the white of the Moon with Jove standing by; light born from the Sun an hour ago that arrived at a quarter past ten, if you saw it you'd know, if not I have no way to show the light that passed by just a minute ago.

Upon the Marriage of S & H

To the Taylors a daughter - the Prestons a son

Today they are married and all say 'well done'

Today they have promised never to part

With rings on their fingers and joy in their heart

With smiles on their faces a new life begins

And all of us share in the joy that it brings

We wish them blessings along all their way

We will remember the joy of today

To the Prestons a son - to the Taylors a lass

How happy we are that it all came to pass

Sins of the Fathers

There was a tribe
They bought a gun
And set about stealing
From everyone

They filled their homes
With all of the bread
They sat and they waited
'Till others were dead

Their excrement floated
Into the sea
And the smoke from their fire
Was all you could see

They made sure that
Their children were fed
And lied to their offspring
About all the dead

As one of their children
I live in their home
Can I keep silent
Now I can roam?

And claim my life
And wealth as a birthright
Think only of self
It just doesn't feel right

That me and my lifestyle
Unless we are parted
Will finish the killing
That grandfather started

Songs from the Carehome ... Mr Floyd

Hello?
Is there anybody in there?
Just nod if you can hear me
Is there anyone at home?

Come on, now
I hear you're feeling down
Well I can ease your pain
Get you on your feet again

Relax
I'll need some information first
Just the basic facts
Can you show me where it hurts?

I am in pain, I’m on the ceiling
This chair is hard, what are you advising
The pain is coming through in waves
Please have mercy that’s what I’m praying

When I was a child we had a sofa

With cushions just like big balloons

Now I want to sit there once again

Oh the pain you would not understand

Sitting where I am

But my bum has become comfortably numb

My bum has become comfortably numb

Okay
Just another clock-tick

There'll be no more
But I think you’ll need a stick

Can you stand up?
Now you’ve started walking - good
I’m here beside you, you know
Come on it's time to go

I am in pain, I’m on the ceiling
To walk is hard, what are you advising
The pain is coming through in waves
Please have mercy that’s what I’m praying

When I was a child there where no limps

Just the will to do or die

I don’t know how but it is gone
I cannot put my finger on it now

I don't know how but I know that I must try

But my bum has become comfortably numb

Poppy Field

Poppies on the battlefield
Where the soldiers fell
Poppies in the shadows
Of buildings I knew well

When a thing is lost
Though people may not care
The soil marks the place
With poppies growing there

When all are lost and all are gone
And left to see it there are none
And the fate of man is sealed
The world will be a poppy field

Personal Weather

There is a cloud that dims the sun
But not the sun of everyone
The brightness of a summer day
Reproduced as shades of gray
Subjectively dim
To him
In spite of warmth on skin

Decreasing Circles

I sink into the earth
A little more each passing day
Eventually I'll lie beneath
The soil and the clay

I find myself contented
No matter how reduced the view
For still I have the sky above
And today the sky is blue

As I sink horizons shrink
I relinquish care and yearning
And look ever to the sky
Where my friend the sun is burning

Yet but a little time must pass
Before the fall shall be reversed
And all once more will walk upon
The circle of the earth

The Balad of Kevin & Elaine

The clan of Preston’s unwed son

Decided something must be done

But how could the poor boy gain

The favour of his sweet Elaine

Set on matrimony

Beset by the anguish of the lonely

To be noticed by Elaine

Was his obsession and his aim

Sure enough Elaine was wowed

To find in any random crowd

Of four or five or six or seven

There he was again, that Kevin

She grew accustomed to the sight

And soon she thought he was just right

Not long passed e’er they were wed

And found themselves contented

Turning to today at last

Now 25 grand years have passed

We see they have not had their fill

For they are contented still

Though mountains rise and kingdoms fall

Assuredly throughout it all

They shall not have loved in vain

Kevin and Elaine

Singularity

Dark matter swirls toward darker masses still, approaching a dark rendezvous - the draw and the night at the core too heavy to burn for the eons - shrug the darkness away, but just for a day, at the core deeper darkness than ever before, forevermore. 

Fulfillment

Rising falling foaming roaring
Tumbling breaking - like a shatter of glass
The waves are ashore at last
Briefly they lap to and fro
Then back to the sea they go

Self-Similarity

Waves crash white in the offshore swell
Foam and roaring glory
Spent and slack they roll as well
On smooth sand transitory

They lap around a lonely stone
Fluctus de minimis non curat
In sand it stands proud alone
Aloof transcendent obdurat

As the water ebbs and flows
Around the boulder's stony toes
In miniature I see once more
All the tiny wavelets roar

The Bluing of the Blood - a Guide to Social Advancement

Foreword

It gave me great pleasure to be favoured with the condescension of Sir Algernon one afternoon in the lounge of his London club.
The great man is well known in all echelons of Society and therefore the reader may be sure that he knows of what he speaks.
His insights, while not revelatory or novel, are nonetheless a synthesis of relevancy and a masterful distillation of that which is known to be true by all inhabitants of our Isle.
While listening to the great man, on several occasions I suppressed an involuntary ‘but of course’, and it is my hope that the reader will find themselves similarly motivated.
The division of Sir Algernon’s monologue into chapters is entirely the device of the writer, the speech itself was flawless in its logic, and entirely fluent in its delivery.



Adam Thomas – 2019

Privilege

Privilege refers to that which you have which others do not.  In that broad sense it is true that, all living things being unique, all possess some attribute not possessed by others.  Therefore it is necessary to distinguish between that which is unique but inconsequential, and that which is unique and confers advantage.  The experience of having a puncture in one’s Nissan Micra is relatively unique, since one is not surrounded by similarly afflicted motorists at the side of the road.  However I confidently assert that no one would dream to estimate this ‘privilege’ as being of similar worth to wafting effortlessly down the same stretch of road in one’s Bentley Continental.  The accrual of positive Privilege - capitalised for the avoidance of confusion - is therefore the aim of this guide.  The tortuous process by which one, not only grasps the mantle of superiority, but proves oneself intrinsically deserving of Privilege, I refer to as The Bluing of the Blood.

Breeding for Altitude

It is not for nothing that the quest for distinction is often referred to in terms of ascent.  By its very nature the accrual of Privilege places one upon the upper levels of a pyramid, whose base is comprised of the less-Privileged, and the un-Privileged.  It is almost as if the draining of Privilege from the lower, and the conferring of it upon the upper, were a natural force of progression.  It is similar to the way in which tiny quantities of gold, so small as to be unnoticed, are freed from hundreds of tonnes of unappreciative rock, and then combined to form the perfection of one’s Cartier/Patek Philippe etc.  So also the accrual of Privilege into a glorious mountain on which the superiors are rightfully placed, is a boon and a signal point for the entirety of society.

By virtue of the automatic nature of the accrual of Privilege, those ‘at the top’ obviously deserve their position.  However this position of altitude does engender certain difficulties.  As in literal high altitudes, so also on the rarefied pinnacle of Privilege, oxygen becomes somewhat scarce.  A tolerance for low oxygen levels is therefore one of the natural attributes suiting one to the acquisition of Privilege.  As Privilege is acquired, a bluing of the blood is observed commensurate with the altitude achieved.  Those in possession of great Privilege are therefore observably cooler in temperament than the red-blooded un-Privileged.  The degree of blue-bloodedness that is achievable within one generation is limited however, explaining why many politicians and suchlike are early expelled from the ranks of the Privileged on account of transgression of a hot-blooded carnal sort.

Since true Privilege is the result of many generations of careful breeding, I will deal in some length on the subject of how such improvement of the bloodline may be accomplished.  Before that however, a couple of notes on the proper conduct of those propelled into the heady heights of Privilege on account of their richly deserved superiority.

Condescension vs Egalitarianism

An often heard complaint from the ranks of the un-Privileged is that the Privileged ‘look down on them’.  Confined as they are to the squalor of their station in life, rubbing shoulders with countless other similar individuals of little worth, the un-Privileged cannot comprehend the viewpoint of the Privileged. Those propelled by superiority to such an altitude that the un-Privileged are little more than a faceless mass are not to be criticised for looking down, since no other point of view is possible for them.

The barely-literate among the un-Privileged may use the word ‘condescension’ in their complaint, as though knowledge of a word of four syllables bolsters their argument.  In so doing they disprove their own argumentation and underscore their ignorance, since the etymology of ‘condescend’ is from the latin - descending to be with.  Since the Privileged naturally occupy a position of superiority, and need never descend, the action of condescension is the conferring of a valuable privilege on the recipient. This is, not an insult, but rather a highpoint in the life of the individual of little worth that may be remembered to his dying day.

The benevolent condescension of the Privileged is predicated on acceptance of their status by the recipient.  It cannot be stressed enough that condescension should never be mistaken for egalitarianism.  It is to be heartily deplored that the outward indications of Privilege have been diluted in this modern era.  Access to nutritious food, adequate housing and warm clothing has regrettably become so common, that the natural distinctions between the Privileged and those of little worth may no longer be obvious when walking in the street.  Marques that previously were only available to the Privileged, such as Jaguar for example, have been sold to multinational purveyors of mass-produced mediocrity.  These proud symbols may now be seen everywhere in hideous states of disarray, being driven by those who, in former generations, would have been refused a seat on the omnibus.

At this point it seems appropriate to make some comment on the lamentable misconceptions that gave rise to the eugenics movements of the 1920’s and 1930’s.  The Privileged of those times noticed with dismay the vastly superior procreative ability of those of little worth.  Contrast if you will the ability of the lower classes to produce chimney sweeps and pur collectors in a mere 80 months from the date of copulation, with the decades of care and dedication and expense required to bring a Privileged scion to maturity.  

It seemed that the Privileged must eventually be submerged in a diseased sea of mediocrity, so various laudable initiatives were proposed.  These ranged from forcible sterilisation to wholesale euthanasia, all considered with the same benevolence as that exercised by the grieving owner of a filly with a broken leg, who selflessly writes off the loss by putting the creature swiftly out of its misery, instead of subjecting it to a course of painful remediation that may not succeed.

While laudable in principle, these initiatives misconstrued the relationship of the Privileged to their inferiors.  The pyramid of Privilege, like any other pyramid, requires its base to be as broad as its top is tall.  It is plain to see that the current rarefied heights of Privilege have been reached by means of an increase in the number of underlings rather than their decrease.  The Privileged may justly regard themselves as Apex beings.  Nature itself teaches that the world may not be populated purely with noble lions; the wildebeest, despite its lank greasy hair and slovenly gait, is necessary too.  It is not only necessary, but necessary in huge numbers.  As a good friend of mine reminds me “when everymensch is​ ubermensch nomensch is anymensch”.

A very few Privileged may take exception to this analysis, since they do not relish the idea of preying on humanity - however low and degenerate.  Such are generally those who, because of  the unspeakable perfidy of the honourable house, have been deprived of the experience of riding to hounds and being properly blooded at a suitably young age.  Such must remember that the health of an ecosystem is directly measured by its apex specimens, and that these noble beasts must accept their responsibility to ensure the health of the whole through the benevolent removal of the inferior.  For the system to function however, the Privileged must remember their responsibility to all, great and small, and refrain from killing more than they can eat.

Though there is a regrettable increase in the mistaken belief that any and all may occupy a place of worth in society, I am sure that my arguments above have convinced the reader of the natural order of things.  Those of intrinsic worth have a duty, to themselves and to society, to grasp the nettle and assert their superiority.  Those whose social genetics permit them to tolerate the rarefied atmosphere of Privilege must rise to their potential.  More than that, they must pass their blue blood to the next generation.  They must devote themselves to the preservation and further accrual of Privilege by ‘breeding for altitude’ as earlier mentioned.  As with the improvement of any bloodline, the proper selection of sire and dam, and the correct care of offspring are paramount.

The Role of the Sire

It must be realised that the transmission of Privilege to the next generation is exclusively accomplished through the male line of succession.  This places a great responsibility upon the Sire to ensure that his offspring are worthy of the glorious, but admittedly heavy, burden that they must shoulder.  In undertaking to produce an heir, the Sire must focus exclusively upon responsibility to venerable ancestry and glorious posterity.  His choice of a vessel who must contain this priceless potential for some nine months cannot be based upon sentiment or fancy.  Admittedly the hypoxia of the realm of privilege will assist the victory of sense and practicality in the task of assessing the merits of prospective Dams.

A prospective Dam should be youthful enough to produce “an heir and one to spare”.  Ideally she and the Sire will be equally blue blooded such that an excess of maternal emotion shall not impede the proper care of offspring (see below).  Having fulfilled his imperative to posterity, further liaison with the Dam is entirely at the discretion of the Sire.  He should however take steps to ensure that illegitimate offspring are not allowed to jeopardise the full transmission of accrued Privilege, through the heir, to the next generation.  It is worth mentioning that Privilege, like a glorious soap bubble floating above the croquet lawns on a summer day, is only divided or shared at the risk of its complete destruction.

The Sire’s responsibility toward offspring requires his presence, or at least the presence of his man, at the key rites of passage.  Riding to hounds, departure to boarding school, first appearance in court on account of a minor indiscretion, all of these are events at which the calm, monolithic presence of the Sire, or his man, are indispensable.  As the recipients of Privilege, offspring will know themselves to be loved by the universe itself.  For this reason the Sire should not feel a need to give outward expression to any spontaneous benevolence toward offspring that may from time to time disturb the tranquillity of his heart.  To do otherwise would be to impede the bluing of the blood of the offspring.

The Role of the Dam

The Role of the Dam is to take the name of the Sire and protect accrued Privilege for forward transmission to the heir.  Depending on the intelligence and acumen of the Sire this may be either an active or a passive role.  In the case of a Sire capable of fathering offspring and little else, the Dam may find herself in control of the assets and future prosperity of the bloodline.  In the case of an assertive Sire she may find herself in a position little better than the peacocks in the drive.  

Another misconception from history is worth mentioning at this point, though a much earlier one than that of the eugenicists.  It was thought that an entire miniature human was contained within each sperm cell - a homunculus.  All that was necessary was to provide the environment in which it could grow.  Now however we realise that genetic material is donated to the offspring by both the Sire and the Dam.  This consideration underscores the need for care in the selection of a suitable Dam, lest an imprudent coupling redden the blood.  

Once a suitable Dam has been selected it will be necessary for the Sire to affect some measure of emotion, and make certain overtures that may not be entirely within the realms of comfortable conduct.  The Sire should not discomfort himself in this regard, since this mode of behaviour need not be continued after sufficient nuptials have occurred to furnish a healthy heir, and perhaps an additional offspring as insurance.  

Having now fulfilled her primary function, the Dam would be well advised to cultivate a small circle of sympathetic friends with whom to while away the days.  If this is unsatisfying she may pursue good works of one sort or another - displaying suitable condescension - provided this does not put the Sire in a bad light and thus lead to a loss of Privilege.  

On no account should the Dam be permitted to become the central figure in the lives of the offspring.  This would only serve to undermine the progress of the Sire in bluing the blood.  It would also lead to confusion in the offspring who will generally have their daily needs cared for by inferiors.  Either they will come to view the Dam as their inferior too or, far worse, come to view themselves as equal to the servants!  In any case this dilemma will soon be solved by the departure of the offspring to boarding school.

The Care of the Offspring

It is of paramount importance that offspring be constantly reminded of their deserved position in life.  This is a natural consequence of superiority and therefore is not a subject upon which gratitude is appropriate, since entitlement and gratitude are mutually exclusive.  With regard to every other aspect of their lives however, it should be constantly impressed upon them that it is only by means of the ceaseless efforts of Sire and Dam that they are sustained.  

Offspring are most certainly to be grateful, and show themselves so, for the efforts taken to choose appropriate names, nannies, tutors and boarding schools.  If it is possible for Sire or Dam to make themselves personally available during a few of their valuable hours during school holidays or childhood illness, a record should be made so that the offspring may be reminded of the sacrifice whenever appropriate levels of gratitude are not in evidence.  Such recollection of past parental condescension may be utilised at any appropriate time, irrespective of the age of the offspring.

Habituation of the offspring to their role is vital.  Males should be sent, as soon as may be possible, to an establishment of sufficient rigour such that their inclination toward triviality be suppressed.  Such establishment should be exclusively male, such that the inclination towards independent selection of a Dam shall be bridled.  

It is true that this environment, along with suitable corporal punishment, may engender novel outlets for emotional tension, however such idiosyncrasies are everywhere accepted among the Privileged.  Such considerations have not proved to be an impediment to the begetting of offspring in previous generations, and it is to be expected that they will not do so in future, provided the prospective Sire may look to the example of his own Sire as delineated above.

The care of female offspring need not be so rigorous as that of the male.  Removal at an early age to a suitable establishment is still desirable, however the function of such establishment shall be one of finishing rather than education.  While no appreciable gain in Privilege may be accrued via female offspring, their actions or omissions may result in its loss, therefore the importance of  finishing cannot be overstated.  In short, female offspring may be regarded as finished when, even while unsupervised, their actions and speech may be relied upon to produce no loss of Privilege to their progenitors, prospective Sires, or descendants.

Loss of Privilege occasioned by ‘unfinished’ actions may even occur long after the demise of the miscreant, as demonstrated by the disrepute engendered by the liaisons of a notable Dam of the past with Scottish gamekeepers/Indian clerks etc.  It behoves Sires and Dams not to neglect the proper care of female offspring, lest that which is gained by one gender be lost by the other.

The Care of the Heir

Comments regarding the accrual of Privilege by female offspring above may be disregarded when a Sire and Dam are in the position of producing a female Heir.  This regrettable circumstance will, in all likelihood, last no longer than one generation.  Once the female Heir has produced male offspring, and that offspring has achieved his majority, it is to be expected that the situation will return to its natural equilibrium.  If this aberration is to be weathered without loss of Privilege, it will be necessary for the female Heir to act outside her normal capabilities.  For these reasons, advice regarding care of the Heir is to be followed irrespective of gender.  

(In the event that production of a male Heir postdates production of the female by some significant period, ‘demotion’ may cause some domestic disturbance and sibling animosity.  It is to be remembered that all this is all to the good, as the female offspring will eventually come to appreciate that she is better off in her natural sphere.  In such a case the Sire is much to be commended, since his sense of duty will have motivated a far longer period of attention to the Dam than that required of his more fortunate brethren.)

It must be remembered that the transmission of all accrued Privilege will take place by means of the Heir.  If the family as a whole occupy a coveted elevation on the pyramid of Privilege, then the Heir will naturally occupy a position still higher.  It is only appropriate that this distinction should mark the Heir as inevitably superior to his siblings, and that this distinction should commence from his first moment of existence.  Emotions of regard and warmth that can be summoned by Sire and Dam in respect of offspring should be directed exclusively to the Heir.  Even if the sensation  of such is entirely beyond the Sire and Dam, this need not hinder their affectation.  The effort involved in such affectation need not be excessive, since it is directed to only one of the offspring.

Receipt of proper care will engender entirely appropriate emotions of superiority in the Heir.  These should be nurtured and encouraged by preferential treatment in the matters of resources and discipline.  The Heir will thus be early accustomed to the need for exertion in competition.  Consider the heroic struggle of the cuckoo chick as he exerts himself to empty the nest of all impediment to his destiny, and you cannot fail to be impressed by the way in which the natural world mirrors the human.  This is not to say that Sire and Dam should permit the actual destruction of siblings, after all the Heir may himself meet with accident or ill health.  Rather they should invest their attention and resources in that which offers the best return.  They should remember that an early acclimatization to the role of apex creature will prepare the Heir for the lifelong struggle that is the preservation and accumulation of Privilege, for transmission to the next generation.

A Note to the Nouveau Riche

Privilege is to money as a fine samurai blade is to a blunderbuss.  It is not for nothing that the shoguns of ancient Japan resisted the advent of powder weapons in their realm.  Suddenly this upstart weaponry, that could be operated by the meanest peasant, could negate the value of years of training on the part of the samurai warrior.  Of what benefit was it that the samurai could dismember a falling criminal into nine parts before he hit the ground, if the great unwashed could fell him from a distance of yards by pulling a lever on an oily device available to all?  They feared the destruction of Privilege, but as with the other examples from history mentioned above, they were mistaken.

For true Privilege to occur, wealth must be accompanied by breeding.  As noted above, the merely wealthy are prone to appalling lapses in character due to their lack of breeding.  Hardly a day goes by but some kicker of pigs’ bladders or proprietor of a scandal rag is found to have committed a faux pas that no possessor of breeding would commit in millennia.  It is not that the Privileged possess greater self control than these parvenus, it is rather that the institutional memory acquired in the preservation of Privilege over the generations renders such blunders unthinkable, indeed impossible.

So with the samurai versus the peasant, however he may be armed.  Even if the samurai must go into hiding and temporarily forsake his rightful place of superiority, he need not think that his place will be supplanted.  It will rather remain vacant since none other possess the blue blood required to live at his exalted altitude.  With the turn of the wheel and the rotation of the cosmos, the Privileged progeny will rise again to their position of superiority, having dutifully preserved the Privilege with which they were entrusted.

The Virtue of Dignity

If my monologue has stimulated a desire for your own social advancement, then I must disabuse you.  My objective has been to provide a guide to the justly deserved social advancement that has already occurred, delivering you to your realm and us to ours.  While there may not be Privilege on all levels of the pyramid, there is dignity.  The dignity of the honest soil from which springs the flower, the dignity of the infantryman who receives the standard from his fallen comrade and then passes said standard to his Commanding Officer, the dignity of the vehicle which bears the dignitary.  It is my humble desire that all should value the dignity of their position, and content themselves with the knowledge that they have contributed to the glorious Privilege with which society is crowned.

Told to Adam Thomas by

Sir Algernon St John Berkshire

Marks of a Malevolent Mind - Identifying the Opposite of Evil

Yin and Yang, good and evil, pursuing one another eternally, each dependant on the other for its existence.  Is this interpretation of reality valid?

The concept of Evil, like so many concepts that are defined by usage, is not well understood in its abstract sense.  Appeals to etymology are of little benefit, since usage is what reveals the common understanding of a term.  For this reason I attempt a semantic definition using linguistic comparisons that I hope the reader will confirm as valid.

Let us propose a relationship that spans a spectrum of well-being; good - bad - evil.  Note the following examples:

Generosity - Greed - Theft

Comfort - Pain - Torture

Truth - Ignorance - Lies

Life - Death - Murder

Love - Indifference - Malevolence

Order - Dilapidation - Vandalism

And finally, in relationship to evil;

To Resist - To Acquiesce - To Promote

The armchair philosopher will doubtless object and cite special circumstances where Pain is not bad, where Death is preferable to Life and where, in the economic sense, Greed is good.  I would counter by arguing that Death is only preferable to Life where Pain has made it so, Pain is only of benefit where it prevents greater Pain, and the concept that Greed is good exists purely to justify a system whose vice is the ‘unequal sharing of blessings’.

Among the many definitions of Good, one might be ‘that which is beneficial’.  If this is the definition on which we fix, then an appropriate definition of Bad might be ‘that which is not beneficial’.  In this paradigm Evil would be defined as ‘the obstruction/nullification of benefit’.  The reader may well find different ways to describe this relationship, but it is likely that he will simply be substituting synonyms of his choice to the same end.

Thus we come to the initial assertion in the title of this piece, that while Good and Bad may be thought of as impersonal, Evil is the mark of Agency, the evidence of a Malevolent Mind.  Some readers may object that the list of examples has been cherry-picked for the purpose of making this assertion.  They may posit other examples such as ‘satiation - hunger - starvation’ where the Evil is also impersonal.  We will deal with cases such as this in the conclusion.  For the time being it is enough to accept that Evil is often the mark of agency/mind/intent, and that this is predominantly the usage of the concept.

Take the comparison ‘comfort - pain - torture’.  We are willing to accept that an amount of comfort and pain in life is the common lot of all, and the balance between these is often the result of random forces.  Torture however is always the result of a malevolent agency.  In the interests of balance therefore is it not reasonable to ask ‘since torture is the destruction of comfort, what is its source?’  If mind is involved in the destruction of good by means of the promotion of bad, and this is regarded as a superlative of bad - Evil, then to what can we credit the creation of Good?

It is only in this epoch that there is resistance to the destination of this logic.  It is only now that it is asserted that the thing which requires agency to dismantle, requires no agency to assemble.  From a semantic point of view the sequence Good - Bad - Evil is incomplete.  The full sequence must be Creator - Good - Bad - Evil, as no other proposed concept fits the requirement of symmetry in respect of core meaning and the possession of mind/agency.

We accept without argument the existence of Evil.  Its embodiments are the paedophile, the racist, the serial killer, the rapist, the vandal, the war criminal etc.  While various philosophers argue that Good, Bad and Evil are merely cyphers, and child murderers categorise their exploits as ‘experiments in existentialism’, these are the outliers, the vanishingly small minority.  Since Cultural Relativism, otherwise known as Majority View ethics, is the foundation of the modern, liberal, democratic paradigm, these philosophers are out of step with a world that contains International War Crime Tribunals, police forces, prisons and parking fines.  While the maxim of Aleister Crowley ‘do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the law’, has a certain appeal to the ego, it is by definition Evil.

Identifying Evil is an exercise in self preservation.  The charlatan, the confidence trickster, the hacker deploying ransomware are all Evil individuals, seeking to obstruct/nullify benefit in your life for the purpose of creating it in theirs.  In a society that refrains from approbation this may seem excessively judgemental, so we are tempted to merely state that their actions are Evil, for the sake of our comfort.  There is a problem in this liberal view.  While we may not be able to identify them with absolute certainty, there are most certainly Evil individuals.  To illustrate this from nature; a person may be accidentally thrown from a horse and die, and this is a case of ‘death by animal’, but a person may also be hunted by a rogue tiger and killed.  Both died, but the cause of their death was qualitatively different, as is the death of a person randomly stabbed in a drunken brawn, compared with a child abducted and murdered; the difference between Bad and Evil is real and correspondingly larger precautions are justified to avoid becoming a victim of Evil.

Returning to the objection that ‘starvation’ in the sequence ‘Satiation - Hunger - Starvation’ does not require agency or mind, we must accept that refusal to act is an act in itself.  On a planet that can supply the needs of all its inhabitants, the starvation of any is Evil.  The fact that ecological collapse may soon render such starvation inevitable is no less Evil, since the system that produced the collapse pursued Greed, often by means of Theft, thus resulting in Starvation, and is therefore Evil in itself.

Having examined the end of the sequence, let us return to its start.  Once again the position of the materialist philosopher who seeks to explain away the need for a first cause is a minority one, the majority view is that there is a source of Good, the Creator.  The only logical course of action is to seek the Creator out, bearing in mind that such a search should be alert to the marks of the malevolent mind, since much that is branded as Good turns out to be Evil.  Should we be concerned that Evil may overwhelm Good and the Creator too?  Once again logic assures us that this cannot be the conclusion.  Since the Creator is greater than the creation, it follows that the Good that has been created is less than the sum of the powers of the Creator.  By extension therefore, no matter how cunning the Evil, it cannot exhaust the resources of the Creator since Evil is an obstructive act, not a creative one. Any innovation that Evil seems to create is merely a perversion of that which was already created.

The premise of Yin and Yang, quoted at the outset, is not valid.  It is not necessary for bad to exist in order to have good, and Evil is certainly not required.  To understand this it is only necessary to seek the Creator.